What is Benching?

Benching in dating refers to keeping someone as an option without committing to a relationship. The bencher maintains sporadic contact and minimal emotional investment, ensuring the person stays interested without allowing the relationship to progress or end definitively.

Characteristics of Benching

Keeping Someone as a Backup

The bencher creates enough engagement to prevent the other person from walking away but avoids prioritizing or building a meaningful connection.

Sporadic Communication

Benching involves inconsistent communication, with no predictability in when the bencher will reach out. Contact is often limited to moments of convenience or personal boredom rather than a genuine interest in the other person.

Avoidance of Commitment

Benchers frequently dodge conversations about exclusivity, long-term plans, or clarity in the relationship status. Their behavior keeps the other person in limbo, fostering a state of uncertainty.

Emotional Validations

Benchers often seek emotional support, attention, or validation from the person they’re benching. This could include flirty texts, sporadic compliments, or venting about personal problems without reciprocating mutual support.

Signs of Being Benched

Unpredictable Contact

Communication feels one-sided or comes in short bursts of attention without sustained efforts to maintain a consistent connection.

Procrastination in Making Plans

Attempts to meet up might often result in cancellations, postponements, or vague responses. The bencher may delay making clear decisions about spending time together.

Emotional Distance

While they may appear interested at times, the bencher avoids deeper emotional involvement. Discussions about feelings or the relationship’s future are often deflected.

Continuing to Date Others

A bencher may still actively explore other options, which is evident through their presence on dating apps or flirtations with other people.

Differences Between Benching and Other Terms

Breadcrumbing

While breadcrumbing involves sporadic texts or messages to create false hope without real intent, benching includes occasional meetups but with no clear direction or progress.

Ghosting

Unlike ghosting, where the person cuts off all contact suddenly, benching involves intermittent communication that prevents the other person from fully moving on.

Cushioning

Cushioning refers to having multiple potential romantic interests lined up as a precaution against a primary relationship failing. Benching, however, keeps one specific person on the back burner rather than juggling several options.

Why People Bench Others

Fear of Loneliness

Benchers may keep someone around out of fear of being alone, even if they’re not genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with them.

Avoidance of Full Rejection

Benching allows someone to avoid the discomfort of explicitly rejecting the person, leaving the relationship in a vague and undefined space instead.

Lack of Readiness

Benchers might feel uncertain about their emotional availability or readiness for commitment, so they partially engage while keeping their options open.

Impact on the Benched Person

Emotional Strain

Being benched can leave someone feeling undervalued or emotionally exhausted from the inconsistency and lack of clarity.

Stunted Dating Prospects

The inability to break free from the situation can prevent the benched person from seeking healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Trust Issues

The lack of transparency can lead to difficulties in trusting future partners, creating long-term effects on the benched person’s confidence in dating.

Ethics and Conduct

Honest communication is essential to avoid accidental or intentional benching. Transparent conversations about intentions, feelings, or other dating involvements can reduce potential hurt. Clear boundaries and mutual respect foster better dynamics, preventing emotional manipulation.