Caspering

Caspering is a dating trend where someone avoids direct confrontation when ending a relationship by letting the other person down gently but without the intention of furthering the relationship. Unlike ghosting, where all communication is abruptly cut off, caspering relies on polite, friendly messages that lack follow-through, leaving the recipient confused and in limbo.

Definition

Caspering occurs when a person maintains communication with friendly responses while evading honesty about their lack of interest or intent to pursue a relationship. It provides a softer facade compared to ghosting but ultimately avoids clarity or closure.

Characteristics

Friendly But Vague Communication

Caspering is marked by polite, non-committal responses. The person may reply to texts like, “We should meet up soon!” but never take steps to solidify plans. These responses aim to spare feelings while avoiding deeper conversations.

Mixed Signals

This behavior often sends conflicting messages to the recipient. While the communication seems warm and engaging, it lacks sincerity or a genuine desire to continue the relationship. These contradictions leave the other party uncertain about where they stand.

Avoidance of Honesty

Many people casper to sidestep the difficulty of direct conversations about breaking things off. Instead of taking responsibility for ending things, they string the other person along under the guise of kindness, evading accountability.

Emotional Effects

Confusion and Frustration

The recipient may feel confused by the friendliness of caspering, misinterpreting it as interest. The lack of clear communication can make it challenging to process the end of the relationship, leading to frustration.

Emotional Toll

Caspering can evoke feelings of rejection and lower self-esteem. It creates a sense of unworthiness and makes it difficult for the person to trust future connections, especially since caspering avoids offering definitive closure.

Signs of Caspering

Inconsistent Communication

Messages that seem enthusiastic but fail to move the relationship forward, such as repeated vague suggestions to meet or follow up, signal caspering.

Polite Yet Ambivalent Messages

Statements attempting to close things off politely—like “You’re amazing, but I’m really busy right now”—that lack clear, direct explanations also align with caspering.

Caspering Vs. Ghosting

Ghosting

Ghosting is when someone vanishes from all communication with no explanation. It’s abrupt and leaves the other person completely in the dark.

Differences

Caspering, while gentler, still avoids direct discussions. It aims to create a softer exit with friendly communication, but both ghosting and caspering ultimately leave unresolved feelings behind.

Similarities

Both approaches demonstrate an unwillingness or inability to handle the emotional responsibility of ending a relationship. They prioritize the comfort of the person cutting things off over offering closure to the other party.

Guidance from Experts

Psychologists identify caspering as a tactic used by those who lack the emotional tools to confront difficult situations. Experts encourage honest conversations as a way to respect both parties’ time and emotional well-being.

Practical Advice

Practice Clarity

When bringing a relationship to an end, communicate your intentions clearly and concisely. For example, “I don’t see this going any further, but I wish you the best.” This minimizes the chances of confusion or false hope.

Avoid Leading On

Do not mix friendly messages with vague promises. Be consistent in your communication to prevent inadvertently dragging out the process.

Related Terms

Orbiting

Orbiting involves interacting with someone’s social media posts, like liking photos or watching stories, without maintaining direct communication. It can feel like a lingering presence without commitment.

Ghosting

Ghosting involves cutting off all contact and communication abruptly without prior discussion or warning. It leaves the recipient without answers or closure.

Caspering, while less abrupt, shares common traits with these behaviors in its avoidance of directness.