Cushioning

What is Cushioning?

Cushioning is a dating strategy where someone in a relationship keeps backup romantic or emotional connections on standby. These "cushions" are often contacted through flirtatious messages or occasional conversations, offering a safety net if the main relationship ends.

Reasons for Cushioning

Fear of Vulnerability

Cushioning can be driven by the fear of opening up fully in a relationship. Some people use cushions to ease this fear by having additional support systems in place.

Insecurity in the Relationship

When someone feels dissatisfied or unsure about their current partnership, they may cushion as a way to escape from addressing unresolved tension.

Fear of Being Alone

The idea of being single after a breakup can push people to maintain potential romantic options. Keeping cushions reassures them that they won't face that scenario alone.

External Validation

Cushioning can stem from the desire for attention or affirmation from others outside the primary relationship, often reflecting issues like low self-worth.

Impact on Relationships

Erosion of Trust

Cushioning undermines the trust and emotional security between partners by spreading attention and connection elsewhere.

Weakening the Commitment

By splitting their focus, the person cushioning avoids fully investing in their main relationship. This lack of focus can lead to a stagnant or strained dynamic.

Emotional Harm to Cushions

Cushions may mistakenly view their role as the start of something serious, only to discover they were never a priority, causing hurt and confusion.

Signs of Being Cushioned

• Sporadic Contact: The person frequently connects but avoids consistent communication or effort.
  
• Avoidance of Commitment: They steer clear of defining the relationship, even if their actions feel couple-like.
  
• Seeking Emotional Support: They rely too much on you emotionally despite being in another relationship.
  

Behavioral Patterns in Cushioning

Cushioning centers on maintaining faint yet steady ties with other people. This can include sending flirty texts or brief check-ins to keep the option alive. Physical intimacy rarely plays a role, but emotional closeness is used as leverage.

Ethical Considerations

Cushioning involves deception, especially toward both the cushion and the primary partner. Being dishonest about relationship intentions hurts all parties involved.

Avoiding and Addressing Cushioning

Reflecting on personal insecurities, fostering open communication with a partner, and being honest about intentions are ways to prevent or stop cushioning behavior.