Is there scientific proof of the common belief that men prefer younger women? How does this play out on a global scale? And how can we use this information to create fulfilling and healthy relationships in today’s context?
In this article, we’re asking: why do men like younger women? From there, we’ll cover the topic of age gap relationships from an analytical, non-judgmental perspective. That way, you can decide what age range you might want to date yourself!
A look at the research
There are quite a few studies that look into age preferences in finding a mate. The Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, for instance, published a study in 2017 titled, “Age Limits: Men’s and Women’s Youngest and Oldest Considered and Actual Sex Partners. And an earlier study titled, “Age Preferences for Mates as Related to Gender, Own Age, and Involvement Level” made waves when it was published in the Evolution and Human Behavior Journal in 2001.
So, what exactly did these and other studies find? Let’s take a look.
Age Preferences Across Genders
The findings have been fairly consistent when it comes to men and women’s age preferences.
Women, on the one hand, tend to prefer slightly older men as related to their current age. In general, they stick with partners who are their age or up to ten years older.
But men have a much wider accepted age range that expands as they get older. What this means is that the majority of men will be attracted to women in their 20s, but they will also adjust their preferences to include their own age group as they get older.
Reported vs. Actual Behavior
An interesting observation found in one of the studies was that there seems to be a discrepancy between what people desire and their actual dating habits. For example, men may prefer to date women in their 20s, but various factors, including societal expectations, women’s preferences for partners, and family influence on younger women to avoid older partners, can limit a man’s ability to date within that age group.
Evolutionary Perspective
Evolutionary psychologists mostly agree that there is a primal explanation for this phenomenon.
Women, for one thing, may be attracted to men who are their age or older because they may be better suited to act as protectors and providers.
Men, in contrast, may be driven more by the evolutionary need to procreate, which is why women in their peak fertility age are most attractive.
To be sure, evolutionary theories don’t hold up 100% in modern contexts. So, we can use them as a jumping board, but not a be-all-end-all to the age gap phenomenon!
Societal Norms and Expectations
Humans are evolved enough to be able to control their base instincts in order to live in a society. So, when asking, “Why do men like younger women,” it’s helpful to balance evolution with culture.
Media Influence
Whereas age-gap relationships used to be the norm in most societies, today’s media shows a very different picture. Modern media, be it television shows, movies, or social media platforms, tend to characterize age-gap relationships as morally questionable or laughable.
Consider, for instance, the portrayal of the 21-year age gap relationship between Monica and Richard on the wildly popular show, Friends. While the pair certainly have chemistry, the overall theme of the relationship was that the difference in age was funny, sometimes awkward, and ultimately impossible to overcome.
That being said, it’s perhaps not surprising that older men would still be attracted to younger women given our current beauty standards. After all, women of all ages are encouraged to look as young as possible to fit the mold of peak beauty.
Celebrity Examples
Age gap relationships in celebrity circles are often likewise seen with derision and criticism. The infamous case of Anna Nicole Smith’s marriage to oil magnate J. Howard Marshall led to a negative media storm that plagued the couple for years.
Other celebrities, such as Alec Baldwin, Brad Pitt, Sean Penn, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a long list of others, have all received criticism for entering into relationships with younger women.
Shared Interests and Similar Lifestyle
Although society at large tends to criticize age-gap relationships, it’s worth exploring why they may be appealing to both men and women. Let’s talk about some of the potential benefits of dating someone outside of your close age range.
Maturity
Many young women date older men because there is a perception that they are more mature. And, this logic seems reasonable. Someone who has more life experience and time in the dating world may be more emotionally evolved, which can improve the quality of the relationship. This is certainly not true for every older partner, but it makes sense that younger women may seek out this positive quality in older men.
On the flip side, an older man may be attracted to a younger woman’s joie de vivre which may be the result of her lack of negative life experiences.
Adventure
Dating someone with a much different perspective or lifestyle can be appealing to many people. Indeed, an age-gap relationship offers the chance to see the world from a different perspective and try things that you wouldn’t otherwise choose to do alone.
Modern access to choice and exploration
Even though men seem to have been attracted to younger women for millennia, age-gap relationships are having a more recent boost in visibility. This may be in part due to increasing cultural acceptance and the freedom that comes along with online dating. Single folks these days have a much wider range of choices, which allows them to pursue relationship styles that may previously have been out of reach.
Criticisms of Age Gap Relationships
To be sure, even though age-gap relationships are becoming more openly popular, they’re still not entirely accepted, still. And it’s useful to take a look at some of the criticism.
Power Dynamics and Inequity
One of the biggest criticisms of age gap relationships is that there may be more nefarious reasons why men would seek out younger women. Some of these concerns include:
- The difference in power and resources. Older men are more likely than younger partners to have financial independence and influence in their career field which can create a power imbalance. In other words, the younger partner may agree to the relationship out of desperation instead of genuine interest.
- The desire for admiration and influence. Older men may seek out the attention of a younger partner for selfish reasons such as wanting to be admired or in control, instead of caring authentically about the relationship.
- The potential for abuse and manipulation. Because of the reasons mentioned here, some worry about the risk of abuse and coercion in an age-gap dynamic.
Life Stage Differences and Daily Concerns
Another common critique of age-gap relationships is that they come with many barriers to genuine connection.
The difference in life stages, for example, can create conflict within the relationship as each partner may have conflicting priorities and responsibilities relative to their age. Consider how a twenty-one-year-old may be more concerned with staying up late to study or going out with friends whereas a forty-five-year-old may need to sleep early to wake up in time for work and childcare.
Of course, there are many couples who navigate these differences successfully while others will struggle to find a balance.
Same-Sex Relationships and Age Differences
A review of the 2021 census data found that age gaps are more common in same-sex couples than heterosexual ones. In fact, the data shows that 5% of same-sex spouses had an age difference of 20 years as compared to only 1% of heterosexual marriages.
While the research is ongoing, one theory behind this trend is the importance of mentorship and multi-generational relationship-building within queer communities.
To be sure, same-sex couples must also navigate some of the challenges that are inherent to age-gap relationships. But in general, these couplings tend to be more widespread and even accepted than in heterosexual contexts.
Global Trends
Countries all over the world are having similar conversations about age differences in romantic relationships. And it’s no surprise to learn that every culture and religious community has a slightly different take on what age gaps are appropriate.
Data published by Pew Research found that Muslim communities tend to have the biggest average difference in age between spouses: about 6.6 years. Hindus came in second with age differences of 5.6 years on average. And Christians are third, with an average age gap of 3.8 years.
Countries can differ on this topic, as well. European countries such as the Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Estonia have the narrowest gaps in spouse ages of less than 2.2 years, whereas other parts of the world, such as Gambia, may see differences of up to 14.5 years on average.
Arranged Marriages and Age Gaps
Arranged marriages were once the norm in most cultures around the world, but have become less common in the last few hundred years. Cultures that do practice arranged marriages tend to have modernized the practice to account for personality compatibility, love interest, and a more involved courtship process.
Even so, some families may be interested in pursuing arranged marriages between older men and younger women as a way to ensure financial stability. In the eyes of the family, someone with an established career, property, and assets is a more trustworthy choice than a younger man who is still finding his way.
Putting Age Gap Relationships in Context
In this article, we’ve talked about the pros and potential cons, real-world data, cultural context, and media influence on age gap relationships. Some of the main takeaways that we can glean from all of this info tell us that:
- the attraction that older men have towards younger women may have evolutionary roots
- age gap relationships continue to be popular and may even increase in popularity
- both young and older people feel more empowered to seek out partners outside of their immediate age range
- culture and religion can have an influence on the likelihood that someone will end up in an age-gap relationship
- there are some real benefits to dating someone older or younger, such as differences in perspective and excitement
- there are also some potential drawbacks that couples will have to navigate, such as differences in priorities and daily responsibilities
- anyone thinking of engaging in an age-gap relationship should take special care to minimize the effects of power imbalances
Conclusion
Our conversation here started with one simple question: why do men like younger women? And, as is often the case with so-called simple questions, the answer was quite complicated! But no matter whether it comes from evolutionary necessity or cultural influence, the fact of the matter is that age-gap relationships continue to be common. And, with changing attitudes towards sexual exploration, we’re likely to see an increase in the number of couples featuring older men and younger women.
Here are a few final pieces of advice for anyone interested in pursuing an age-gap relationship:
- Remember that trends are not applicable to every situation. You may, for instance, want to date an older man because you think that he’ll be more mature and financially stable. But this is not the case for every situation.
- Take special care to mitigate the effects of power imbalances. Each person in an age-gap relationship should be conscious that their actions are considerate of the well-being and autonomy of the other person.
- Talk about how you’ll navigate any differences in life stages. Get very clear about how you plan on making room for one another even with all of the responsibilities and realities of your separate lives.
- Be ready for some social pushback. Not everyone will be on board with your age-gap relationship. So, you need to be ready to face some criticism, misunderstandings, and questions from people who don’t approve.
- Maintain a healthy social, financial, and personal life outside of the relationship. All relationships can benefit from partners enjoying their own hobbies, career paths, and time with loved ones.
All in all, age-gap relationships can be fulfilling and satisfying for younger women, older men, and same-sex couples! So, will you try one for yourself?
