How to Date a Man Who Wants No Strings Attached

Question:

Hi Stella!  I've been reading a lot about sugar dating before I jump in and get started - what can I say, I like to be prepared and know what I'm getting into - and I keep coming across the phrase "no strings attached." *It seems to me like the relationships that are being discussed in the "sugar bowl" are a little more... distant in nature, is that right?

I would really like to know more about this aspect of things.  I see that it's not uncommon to find married men on Secret Benefits, and that could explain why these men want a relationship with "no strings" on it, but does that mean that these men are emotionally distant as well?  Are they going to keep me up "on a shelf" somewhere, only reaching out to say hello when it's time to go on a date, and then immediately going radio silent on me as soon as the date is over?

If so, that's going to take some adjustment for me.  I'm not saying it's a deal-breaker.  I certainly am no stranger to dating men who are emotionally unavailable, it's just... you know, that used to be a sign that I should break up with him, not continue the relationship.

Looking forward to hearing back,

Viv

Answer:

Hi Viv!

Yes, your assumptions are leading you down the right path.

When a person leaves "NSA" on their profile, indicating that they want a relationship with "no strings attached," it means that they are not looking for anything serious, either because they are in a relationship already (and for a married man, those "strings" can feel pretty constraining), or because they are, as you say, "emotionally distant."

There could be very good reasons for this.  He could be a workaholic (most sugar daddies are financially successful, after all) and simply not have the time to give his personal relationships the sort of attention a normal boyfriend could.  He could be an introvert, or going through a major life event, and just need personal space.  Whatever the case, unlike your previous boyfriends, he is being honest about himself and his needs and seeking out the relationship that is right for him, in the most suitable place to find it: Secret Benefits.

Instead of being wary of it, perhaps you should lean into it and see what happens? You may discover rather quickly that NSA relationships have their advantages.

First of all, just because a relationship is "no strings" does not mean it's "no fun," in fact the reality is quite the opposite!  Keeping things from getting too serious allows you to focus on good times above all else.  You will also find yourself having fewer arguments, because you've discussed your expectations in advance. You won't experience the traditional "growing pains" you've felt with most relationships, because, generally speaking, sugar dating relationships don't evolve the same way that normal relationships do.

Remember that the benefits you get out of the relationship make it really easy to deal with any "emotional distance" you may feel - and I don't know about you, but I easily got used to having my own personal space after a while!

Until next time, 

XO,

Stella