Worried that the person you’re talking to online might be a fake sugar daddy or sugar baby? It’s not an unreasonable fear! And it’s actually a good thing to be wary of strangers you meet on the internet until you can learn more about them.
In this article, we’re going to share some proven strategies for weeding out false sugar partners, both online and as you start to build an in-person relationship.
We’re pulling back the curtain on salt daddies, bots, scammers, and fake sugar babies!
First of all, what does a healthy sugar relationship look like?
Before we dive into the world of fake sugar partners, it can be helpful to establish what a healthy sugar relationship is supposed to look like.
At its most basic, a healthy sugar relationship consists of a sugar daddy/momma who is willing and eager to treat their sugar baby to a luxury lifestyle. In turn, the sugar baby provides companionship, emotional support, practical favors, or intimacy to make their sugar daddy feel valued and cared for. It is a two-way street in which both parties are invested in the satisfaction of the other.
These are some green flags to look for to ensure that the person you’re chatting with is actually interested in the above definition of sugaring:
- Authentic, genuine profile pictures.
- A well-written, full bio.
- Reasonable responsiveness to messages.
- A conversation pattern that feels natural and not forced.
- Genuine interest in getting to know you as a person.
- Curiosity about what you’re looking for in a sugar relationship.
- Willingness to have a phone call or video call for authentication.
- If you’re looking for an in-person relationship, and willing to set up the first meet & greet to take the relationship to the next step.
These are a few of the preliminary signs that someone is acting in good faith while trying to find a sugar partner. As you start interacting more with them, either online or in person, you can start noticing additional green flags, such as:
- Remembering details that you’ve shared in past conversations.
- Enthusiasm for setting up the next date.
- A positive attitude when you talk or are together,
- Two-sided conversations, in which you’re both contributing and asking follow-up questions.
- Willingness to talk about potentially uncomfortable conversations in order to resolve or prevent conflicts.
- Reliability in terms of date planning (i.e. showing up to scheduled dates).
- Respect for the other person’s time (i.e. not arriving late or canceling dates at the last minute).
- Care for the safety of the other person (i.e. checking to make sure you got home safe, being concerned if you’re sick, etc.).
In general, you’ll be able to tell if a person is invested in your well-being or not. But, if you don’t necessarily trust your intuition, keep these specific green flags in mind while interacting with someone new. And, pay attention to the red flags we’ll be discussing throughout the rest of this article.
What is the most common type of fake sugar daddy online?
As a sugar baby, you’ll want to familiarize yourself with people online who claim to be sugar daddies without any intention of treating you to a luxury lifestyle. And, these people come in a few different varieties:
- Salt Daddy. Have you ever made the mistake of putting a spoonful of sugar in your coffee only to realize later that it was actually salt? That’s a pretty spot-on depiction of what interacting with a salt daddy is like. This is a person who may or may not be wealthy enough to care for a sugar baby. But, their actual wealth doesn’t matter because they have no intention of following through on their promises of being a generous sugar daddy. Instead, they may reap the benefits of the ego boost or companionship of a sugar baby only to leave their partner high and dry afterwards.
- Splenda Daddy. While not as commonly used a phrase as salt daddy, there are plenty of splenda daddies in the Bowl. Typically, it’s a term used to describe a sugar daddy who may have high hopes of being a high-rolling member of the community, but is limited by their current financial situation. In other words, they’re not ultra-wealthy, but are doing the best they can to provide for a sugar baby. That being said, this doesn’t necessarily make them a fake sugar daddy. But, splenda daddies can be dangerous when they start lying or overexaggerating their wealth in order to convince you to date them. They may seem overly sweet at the beginning, but over time, you start to realize that the sweetness is artificial.
- Bot or Scammer. Finally, there are the completely fake sugar daddies who are actually just bots or online criminals looking to steal your info or involve you in a financial scam. We’ll talk more in-depth about how to spot, avoid, and report bots in order to keep yourself and the community safe.
What are the most common types of fake sugar babies?
Just as sugar babies should be wary of fake sugar daddies, sugar daddies should also keep an eye out for fake sugar babies. Here are the most common:
- The catfish baby. Catfishing has been around for as long as internet dating has been around, and unfortunately, there are some sugar babies who use this tactic. They may have a variety of stunning pictures online, but when you meet them in person, they look nothing like their photos. They’re hoping that you’ve already invested enough time or made enough of an emotional connection to overlook the catfishing scheme.
- The sugar baby who never wants to meet in person. Maybe you find yourself constantly trying to schedule in-person meetings only to find that your sugar baby is sick, has other plans, or cancels mysteriously at the last minute. It’s possible that this person has zero intention of ever meeting in person and is hoping to maintain a virtual relationship.
- The sugar baby who will never be satisfied. Another form of a false sugar baby is one who pretends that nothing you ever do is good enough to satisfy them. This is a form of emotional manipulation used to try to reap more benefits from the relationship. There are other forms of emotional manipulation that we’ll cover later on in this article.
- The bot or scammer baby. This is a person or group of people who are not sugar babies at all. Rather, their main goal is to trick you into giving them your personal details or information in order to steal your identity or money.
How do you know if you’re talking to a bot?
Unfortunately, even when using a well-known or reputable sugaring website, you may still come across the occasional bot. Here are a few ways clues that you’re interacting with one:
- They respond immediately. One of the first red flags that you’re interacting with a computer is the speed of response. You’d never expect someone to read and respond thoughtfully to you within nanoseconds, but a chatbot typically works that quickly.
- They’re always online. A bot will always be around to talk to you because, well, they live online.
- Their speech pattern feels off. Even though artificial intelligence is getting better every day, a conversation with a bot will still feel weird. They may use vocabulary that seems out of place or come off as weirdly enthusiastic at the wrong moments. Pay attention to these subtle signs that you’re talking to a computer.
- They have zero sense of humor. Bots are famously bad at sarcasm, double entendres, and subtext. So, if you worry that you might be talking to one, try testing them with your sense of humor.
- They constantly try to loop the conversation back to something specific. If the bot you’re interacting with is part of a sugar dating scam, chances are, it will try to guide the conversation in a very specific direction. This will make it easier to eventually accomplish their goal of stealing your identity or money. So, try introducing new topics and see how the other person responds.
- You can trip them up quite easily. You may not be able to beat a computer at a game of chess, but the truth is, you are going to be better than a bot with normal human communication. So, use this to your advantage. One of the most popular ways that people have been tripping up bots recently is to ask them to “say potato” out of context. It’s confusing enough to the bot that they may just ignore it, while a real person will probably say something like, “potato….why?”
If you suspect that you’re interacting with a bot, make sure to report the account to the sugaring platform.
What are some common tactics of fake sugar partners?
Now, being able to pick out a human who is being deceptive or trying to scam you is a lot harder than spotting a bot. So, you’ll want to pay close attention to these more subtle and convincing tactics from a fake sugar daddy or baby:
Emotional manipulation
Emotional control can take a variety of different forms. Some of the most common include:
- Negging. This is a practice of coupling insults and compliments as a way to create emotional confusion and doubt. An example might be, “I don’t typically trust sugar babies, but you seem like one of the good ones.”
- Guilt-tripping. A sugar partner may make you feel bad for your behavior as a way to gain leverage. For example, if you show up to a date a few minutes late, they may hold it over your head the rest of the evening instead of letting it go.
- Threatening to leave. This tactic is meant to make you feel like you have no other option than to go along with whatever your partner wants. For instance, if you’re struggling to find a time to meet, a potential partner might say something like, “If you’re not willing to move your schedule around to see me, I’ll find someone else who will. Goodbye.” This creates a sense of panic and urgency which will force you to compromise for fear of losing the other person.
Time-sensitive demands & fabricated emergencies
When someone is placed under time pressure, it becomes very difficult to make logical decisions. And, fake sugar partners know this. So, they might come up with an excuse or fake emergency to try to pressure you into sending money or moving the relationship towards intimacy before you’re ready. Some examples could include:
- Your sugar baby telling you, “I never ask my sugar daddies for this, but I’m in a desperate situation and my landlord is threatening to evict me if I don’t send him money by tomorrow. Would you please be able to help me out just this once?”
- Your sugar daddy telling you, “I won’t have a chance to go to the ATM before our next date, but I promise you that I can send you a money transfer. I’m going to be traveling soon and really wouldn’t want to have to cancel our date just because of this small detail.”
As you can see, the lies can be quite convincing, especially when they’re attached to an emergency or time frame. But, don’t compromise on your standards just because your partner asks you to.
False sense of trust
Long-term cons are often some of the most difficult to identify as they take a lot of investment on the part of the scammer. These kinds of relationships may contain elements of love-bombing, vulnerability through oversharing, and other emotional tactics to create a connection that feels very strong.
Unfortunately, once you’ve become bonded to someone in this way emotionally, it can be very difficult to see where they might start to take advantage of the situation. But over time, this person will likely start demanding more than you originally agreed to. This is often the basis for elderly financial scams and love-bombing scams.
Long-term sugaring cons, similar to romantic cons, can sometimes take on a cycle of damage and repair. In other words, the scammer will manipulate and push their partner to the point where they can no longer tolerate the behavior and then take steps to repair the relationship and start over again.
Steps towards keeping yourself safe online and in person
Even though we want everyone in the sugaring community to be aware of the dangers of a fake sugar partner, we also don’t want you to be so untrusting that you shut yourself off from connecting with the right person! So, instead of putting your guard up too high, simply make sure that you follow these steps for keeping yourself safe while sugaring:
- Use a reputable website.
- Report anyone who appears to be a bot.
- Set the boundary to not meet with someone who refuses to have a video call before meeting in person.
- Always meet in public for your first meet and greet.
- Listen to your intuition.
- Find a good sounding board for you to talk through your experiences. This might be a close friend or a licensed therapist who can help you navigate your connections with your sugar partners.
- Be aware of the sunk cost fallacy. We humans have a tendency to stick with something that isn’t working out simply because we’ve already spent so much time, effort, and emotional labor on it. If you find yourself in a sugar relationship that is taking away more than it’s giving you, cut your losses and walk away!
Do you feel comfortable spotting a fake sugar daddy or sugar baby?
After reading this article, we hope that you feel more confident about weeding out potential partners who aren’t a good fit or who may be trying to take advantage of you. At the same time, we hope that you continue to explore this vibrant community with an open mind and optimism that will make finding your perfect match something magical!
After all, once you learn to avoid the fake sugar daddy and sugar baby options, you’ll be better able to spot the good ones!
