Even though age-gap relationships have gotten a bad rap in recent years, the truth is, they’ve been around for centuries! And while societal norms change and evolve with each new generation, is there a psychological or biological explanation that can explain the longevity of age-gap relationships?
In this article, we’re going to take a look at the science behind attraction and relationship-building. And, we’ll offer a few words of advice for anyone looking to explore this style of dating for themselves.
What the research says about age-gap relationships
Dating behaviors and their impacts on psychological well-being have been a topic of research for decades, with notable publications in journals such as the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, BMC Psychiatry, and the Evolution and Human Behavior Journal over the last thirty years. In this article, we’ll share data from revolutionary studies such as:
- The 2023 study, “The Link Between Age and Partner Preferences in a Large, International Sample of Single Women”
- The 2017 study, “Age Limits: Men’s and Women’s Youngest and Oldest Considered and Actual Sex Partners”
- “Age Preferences for Mates as Related to Gender, Own Age, and Involvement Level” published in 2001
- “The Impact of Age Differences in Couples on Depressive Symptoms: Evidence from the Korean Longitudinal Study of Aging (2006-2012): published in 2015
- “Dating and Remarriage Over the First Two Years of Widowhood” from 1996
So, what exactly were the findings in each of these studies?
On the one hand, they’re in line with what you might have guessed just from personal experience. Namely, the data shows:
- Men tend to be most attracted to women in the age range of 20 to 30 years old.
- For men, the age range to which they’re attracted becomes wider as they age, themselves. In other words, they will continue to be attracted to 20- to 30-year-olds over the course of their lifetime as well as being attracted to women in or younger than their own age bracket.
- Women, in general, are attracted to men their own age and slightly older.
- In contrast to earlier studies, new data suggests that older women become more open to younger male partners as they age, broadening their accepted age range similarly to men.
Evolutionary psychology and age-gap relationships
Given the data, many evolutionary psychologists have one simple question: why?
Why would men be attracted to women in their 20s? Why would women be attracted to older men? Why would older women be open to relationships with younger men?
Well, let’s start with men. Evolutionary psychologists are pretty consistent in theorizing that men continue to be attracted to women in their 20s because of biological fertility and health. In other words, women in this age range tend to be at the peak of physical fitness and fertility. So, even though a man may not be thinking of starting a family, it’s likely that he is biologically attracted to women in this age range.
Men, on the other hand, can continue to reproduce long after their 20s. So, it makes sense that women wouldn’t show the same bias towards men in their 20s. Instead, evolutionary psychologists theorize, that women may be attracted to older men because age can be associated with the accumulation of resources, life experience, and other elements that are beneficial for their survival as a partner.
That being said, we humans are much more nuanced than evolutionary biology. And, another interesting question is why men and women would be attracted to partners their own age. This may have more to do with shared interests and values, confidence, and ease that can come with age and other factors.
Differences between attraction and dating behavior
Another interesting finding in attraction research is that despite the data showing that men tend to be drawn to younger women, this doesn’t exactly play out in dating behavior. In other words, people typically get married to partners within their own age group, with only a few years of difference.
What’s more, even though the studies show that both men and women can be attracted to people outside of their age bracket, age-gap marriages may be linked to higher rates of depression and marital stress. This is most common for marriages in which the woman is significantly older than her partner.
Of course, as we know in the sugaring community (and as we’ll talk about more in-depth later on,) marriage isn’t the end-all-be-all for satisfying relationships! More and more, people are feeling freer to pursue attraction without the pressures of a formal relationship.
Behaviors of recently widowed men and women
One interesting study from the University of California, San Diego looked into the role of dating again after being widowed. They found that 61% of men were likely to have pursued a romantic interest within 25 months of their partner passing away, while only 19% of women found love again within that time period. What’s more, the wealthier and more educated the man, the more likely he was to pursue a new partner within 2 years of being widowed. In contrast, age was the primary predictor of whether a woman would pursue a new love interest, with younger women being more likely to look for a new partner after being widowed than older female participants.
Perhaps most importantly, the study found that the participants who did open themselves up to love showed significant improvements in their psychological well-being. The researchers suggested that family, friends, and mental health advocates shouldn’t discourage widowers from pursuing romance again when they’re ready!
Barriers and challenges to age-gap dating
As we mentioned, attraction and dating habits are two different things, and there are a few reasons why age-gap relationships are not the standard, despite the consistent data showing that many of us would be open to them. So, what are some of the challenges keeping people from going after the source of their attraction?
- Societal pressure. Many people feel uncomfortable with the level of disapproval that can come from strangers when they date someone outside of their age range.
- Differences in personality and world views. People born into different generations may not have the same opinions, world views, or sense of humor. This can make it difficult to connect on an emotional level.
- Differences in lifestyles. Partners in different phases of life may find it hard to find common ground in terms of routine and how they spend their free time. For example, one partner may be looking to start a family while the other has already gone through the process of parenthood.
- Discouragement from family or friends. Close loved ones may struggle to understand or accept non-traditional relationships. Without social support, many couples may not see the benefit of pursuing an age-gap relationship.
- The potential for power imbalances. Differences in age and access to resources can sometimes create unhealthy dynamics in age-gap relationships.
What this all means for the sugar dating community
We’ve covered a lot of ground here, which is a great thing! The scientific community is open to understanding and seeking out the pros and cons of age-gap relationships, romance in later life, and other topics that are relevant to the sugaring community. So, what exactly does all of the data mean for your sugaring experience? Here are a few takeaways:
- Older men will be attracted to a wide range of female sugar babies. What the research shows is that while men may be more attracted to women in their 20s, they’re also drawn to women in their own age range and below. That can mean that it’s possible to find a sugar daddy in his 60s who is open to a relationship with a sugar baby in her 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s.
- Older women can also be sugar mommas! One of the interesting discussions in the literature is the fact that women are a lot more driven by attraction than society gives them credit for. The data shows that women are also open to romantic relationships with men in their prime, even if that means being with a partner who is significantly younger.
- Age-gap attraction may be best explored without marriage or traditional relationships. As we mentioned, age gaps and marriage can create friction and challenges. But attraction doesn’t always have to lead to marriage! What the research shows is that we may be better off finding fulfillment in alternative relationship styles that allow for attraction without the added pressure of traditional relationship requirements.
How to use the science to your advantage in age gap relationships
Given everything that the science says about age-gap relationships, you may be wondering how to enjoy one yourself! Here are a few things to keep in mind for the best chances of success:
- Find a support network that is accepting of your relationship. Being surrounded by people who are open and supportive of your relationship is key. This may be trusted people in your existing support network or a trained therapist with experience working with age-gap couples. You might also connect with other couples who have an age gap to be able to share your experiences and work through any problems common in age-gap relationships.
- Have a plan for dealing with negative feedback. Whether it comes from family members or strangers on the street, it’s a good idea to have a plan for supporting each other and yourself through moments of negative feedback. This may mean reminding each other of the good parts of your relationship, saying positive affirmations, or practicing breathing exercises when you feel frustrated.
- Be open to an age-gap relationship that is based in the present moment. As we mentioned, putting the pressure of marriage, having a family, and other long-term commitments onto an age-gap relationship can be challenging. So, it might be in your best interest to focus on the positives of your age-gap relationship, such as attraction, excitement, and the opportunity to live in the present moment.
- Find common ground with your partner. In every relationship, finding common ground is key. But this is especially true in age-gap relationships. Your commonalities, whether they are shared values, your sense of humor, or other connections, will be essential in maintaining and strengthening your bond.
- Be aware of potential power imbalances. Instead of pretending that power imbalances don’t exist, it’s better to acknowledge and talk through them. For instance, make sure that if one person in the relationship tends to pay for the majority of meals and vacations the other person doesn’t feel beholden to them or pressured into making decisions that they otherwise wouldn’t make.
Are you ready to explore age-gap relationships?
As the science shows, age-gap relationships can be exciting and appealing! In fact, our own biology may make us feel drawn towards this style of dating! But, it’s not without its challenges.
So, now that you know the science behind age gaps and attraction, will you try this kind of relationship for yourself? Age gap relationships may change your life!
