Maybe you’re already in a workplace relationship and are thinking of how to keep it professional. Or perhaps, you’re wondering what to do about a crush you have on a colleague: pursue it or let it go? In other words, how can you follow your heart while also maintaining job security?
Try as you might, it can be impossible to leave your feelings at the door when you clock in, so this article will help you navigate the grey area of love and work.
See it from your employer’s point of view
There are a few legitimate reasons why an employer might have strict guidelines about or be staunchly against office romances. And understanding their point of view can be helpful. For example, many employers want to avoid:
- Conflicts of interest. We all know that love can put blinders on us, and that’s not a good situation for a workplace. Let’s say, for instance, that an employee pitches a decidedly terrible idea that’s going to make the company look bad. But, their partner, who is responsible for catching such an error, doesn’t see it because their romantic feelings have clouded their judgment.
- Favoritism. Another risk for employers is the potential for favoritism that comes with romantic interest. A person may not even realize that they’re giving their romantic interest a work advantage by spending more time with them, prioritizing work favors, and speaking highly of them to other employees and supervisors.
- Impact on the larger work environment. Workplace romances have the potential to affect people outside of the relationship as well. This can lead to a dip in productivity, conflicts between coworkers, or general unhappiness with the work environment.
- Harassment. Without a clear policy on workplace romance, employers could be found liable for sexual harassment and other situations.
Your company might have its own reasons for limiting workplace romances, especially in settings in which professionalism is crucial for public safety, client confidentiality, and other sensitive situations.
All of this being said, however, employers are often aware that despite our best intentions, love can be a hard emotion to tamp down on completely. In fact, according to a report in Forbes, about 50% of people admit to having dated a coworker in the past. So, instead of banning all office romances, many companies have a policy that:
- Prevents relationships between supervisors and subordinates
- Prevents relationships between people on the same team
- Protects employees from unwanted advances
Keep your company’s unique workplace relationship policy in mind while going through the rest of this article so that you can apply the advice here to your situation!
Avoid any workplace relationship with an obvious power differential
In all likelihood, your company has a policy against this type of relationship. But you still might feel compelled to pursue one anyway. After all, there are endless examples of this working out in pop culture (just look at Leslie and Ben in Parks & Rec or Michael and Holly in The Office.) But in reality, this is not a good idea for a number of reasons.
For one, there are the possible repercussions of hiding a relationship, such as the stress of losing your job. And, because your relationship will be going against company policy, you will have less support if something goes wrong and you feel like you need to take action against this person.
It’s also equally important to consider the impact of the power dynamics at play here. If you’re dating your boss, for example, you are more vulnerable to potential manipulation. You may feel compelled to brush certain behaviors under the rug because you’re worried about upsetting them, or you might be hoping that being on their good side will have a positive impact on your career. In both scenarios, it’s difficult to maintain a healthy, autonomous relationship with someone who has so much influence over your professional future.
What to do if you’re interested in a coworker
Let’s say that the person you’re interested in at work isn’t a boss or someone the policy says that you can’t date. How can you go about testing the waters to see if your feelings are reciprocated? Here are a few tips for dealing with a crush at work:
Spend time together outside of work
It’s best that you keep things professional during working hours and wait to explore romantic feelings in a non-work setting. This could be after-work drinks, an office-organized trivia night, or other casual off-the-clock activities.
Make your feelings known
If you feel that there’s a spark between you and your crush, let them know that you’re interested in them. This doesn’t have to be as intense as a heartfelt letter expressing your feelings. Instead, simply ask them if they would be open to going on a date with you.
If your feelings aren’t reciprocated, don’t try again
Any time that you ask a coworker on a date, you have to be ready to deal with the possibility that they’ll say no. Maybe they’re simply not interested in you, or perhaps they’re not willing to date someone from the office in general. Whatever their reasoning might be, you need to respect their decision and act in a way that makes them feel comfortable moving forward.
If the answer is yes, be ready for the added complication of early dating with a colleague
If your coworker is open to dating you, then you’re probably feeling pretty ecstatic! But, it’s important not to get ahead of yourself or let your emotions run wild as it could make working together more complicated. Instead, try to keep the following boundaries during the early stages of dating:
- Don’t talk about your romantic life while at work together. Whether you’re planning your next date or expressing how much you enjoyed the last one, these are conversations that should take place outside of working hours.
- Consider debriefing about your dates with non-coworkers. You might want to talk about how your last date was or decipher your texting conversations. But, we would recommend that you do this with people who don’t also work with the person you’re dating so as not to make colleagues uncomfortable.
- Don’t let your dating life affect your work. It’s possible that you and your colleague end up in a long-term committed relationship (more on that in the next section) or your connection might fizzle out. No matter what the outcome, it’s important that you do your best not to let it affect your work. If you feel that you’re struggling to separate your intense feelings from your work responsibilities, you could be putting your career on the line.
How to keep your established romantic relationship professional
Let’s say that you’ve been dating someone for a while or are even married to someone you work with. In this scenario, it’s a good idea to follow a set of guidelines that will help to create a positive work environment for both of you and your colleagues. Here are a few ideas:
Keep work and your relationship separate
Too much of anything is exhausting, and this goes for both your work and your relationship. Indeed, if you find yourself talking about work incessantly when you’re with your partner after hours or you find yourself bringing the relationship to the office with you, it could easily lead to burnout.
A practical boundary to put in place would be to keep the two worlds separate or feel comfortable enough with one another to say, “Can we talk about this later?”
Don’t use official communication channels for personal conversations
It can be easy to get into a habit of adding a kissy emoji or other affectionate sign-off on emails and messages to your significant other. , However, we recommend being careful about what you share over official communication channels. Most employers track emails and some can even see messages sent over other platforms.
Find a working relationship that makes sense
Some couples are able to collaborate professionally with no issues while others can’t help but bicker, micromanage, or steamroll one another. It doesn’t mean that one relationship is stronger than the other but rather that our emotions can sometimes make it difficult to work with someone professionally. If that’s the case, consider workarounds, such as not being on the same team at work.
Schedule “away time” from one another
That old adage “distance makes the heart grow fond” is true for many relationships. And, you might find that you and your partner will benefit from some time apart. This could mean dedicating time to your separate hobbies or planning the occasional girl’s or guy’s trip to enjoy some time on your own.
Make sure to plan dates outside of work
The endless cycle of going to work, going home, cooking, cleaning, going through your bedtime routine, and doing it all again tomorrow is monotonous. And it can also make your relationship feel predictable and stale.
One way to break up the routine is to continue planning dates with your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. Trying out new restaurants, taking a dance class together, or planning a vacation is a great way to make the routine feel more enjoyable.
Don’t forget to acknowledge the good things about working together every once in a while
Working with your significant other has the potential to be challenging. When times are tough, it can be helpful to think not only about possible solutions but also about the benefits of your arrangement. Make sure, for instance, that you show your appreciation for the days that your partner brings lunch to your desk or gives you advice on your upcoming presentation. Or, consider how nice it is that you get to commute together or check in with each other throughout the work day.
These small moments of gratitude can help keep things in perspective.
Dealing with workplace relationship fall-out
Whether you and your partner had an argument at home that carries over into the office or you’ve broken up with someone that you now have to work with, the overlap of the personal and professional can be even more difficult when negative feelings are involved. Here are a few ideas on how to navigate tricky situations without putting your job at risk:
Press pause on arguments
If you’re in a long-standing committed relationship, it’s not unheard of that you might have an argument from time to time. But, as difficult as it may be, it will be important not to bring that negative energy into the workplace. This might mean actively limiting contact at work until the problem is resolved at home.
Call in a personal day if needed
If you’re going through a breakup or particularly difficult moment with a partner, consider calling in a personal day. After all, some people are able to compartmentalize their work and personal life enough to use work as a distraction. But others will have a hard time focusing on their work responsibilities.
If you do take personal time, use it to process tough emotions and perhaps talk to a professional or close loved one.
Clear the air outside of work
If things aren’t going to work out between you and the colleague you’ve been dating, you’re going to find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to continue to see and work with them moving forward. It can be helpful to sit down and talk face-to-face if possible to clear the air. The goal will be to discuss ways that you can be in the same workplace together with respect and cordiality.
Consider taking the issue to a supervisor
If things between you and a colleague are more distressing than you feel like you can handle on your own, consider talking to a supervisor. This person might be able to make accommodations, such as altering your work schedules or assigning you to different teams. If you feel unsafe around your former partner, a supervisor should be notified so that they can take any necessary steps to make you feel comfortable in your work environment.
Workplace relationships are complicated, but possible!
It’s important to consider the possible downsides and ramifications of dating a colleague before you get romantically involved. But the reality is, that many people find their partners through work, so if you’re looking for ways to balance professionalism and romance, you’re not alone! Now that you have some tips on how to proceed with intention and care, you can navigate your own workplace relationship with confidence!
